Well now. Almost a year has passed since my last post. I have again looked back over the blog and can see bursts of energy, like a car revving, getting into gear and then phut phut phutting into nothing.
I created a lot of journeys for myself this year – to Slovakia, Dublin, Lisbon, Paris, Augsburg, Croatia, Cornwall (twice), the Peak District, Ibiza, Slovakia again, Barcelona (accidently), a home visit to mum in Portugal and perhaps there will Madrid this month and Prague at the beginning of December. These travels were intended to inspire and to somehow kickstart the creative in me. That finally happened after a day in Epping Forest spent with Caroline and Claire. I managed to get a poem out for the National Poetry Competition.
By the end of the month I will have attended three very different weddings, spent a fortune in Clarins products and be in receipt of my provisional driving licence plus paid full price for two haircuts. I have experienced a change in lifestyle.
So, you stuck with the job and it paid off? you might be asking. Well. Yes and no.
I stuck with the job for all last year. In the positive moments I was glad that I had a job. It helped me towards greater financial stability. Then I stuck with it until the Spring, and then until the Summer. Managing to do that with the carrot of travel and by working 40 hours over four days rather than five. Gritting my teeth and getting all robotic on the four day mornings. Consoling myself with the thought that at least I was improving things.
Summer came and I was faced once more with the dirty underbelly of the TEFL world. And it made me sick and it made me angry. It was the low point, the best push factor.
So, I quit.
During my notice period I went to Portugal and had a good rest and a good think and found solutions. The crazy thing is that the solution was there all along. I didn’t need to hang on in there – or had I after all been hanging onto the job!
From the end of November I will be walking a different walk. And once again, I will be independent and free, but stronger and much more grounded, much more confident in my abilities. And much more able to close the door behind me and unlike Orpheus, never look back.